Confirmed Results

Every time the phone has rang today, my stomach has dropped. But the call that I was waiting for did come, and of course, the news that we were expecting was indeed what we had thought it would be. I thought that I was ready to hear it. I thought that I had geared myself up for those words, but I still broke down when the doctor said, "the test results confirm that your son does have Down syndrome". I hugged Cobee close to me sobbing. "What do I do now? Where do I go, who am I supposed to call?" "Just care for him and love him like you do your other children." Is all that the doctor could tell me. There has got to be more to it than that!?! So I insisted that I got some information on support groups in the area, or at least someone else that I could call. He told me to stop by the hospital, and there would be another doctor that could give me a few names. Okay. So there you have it. It is now official that our lives will be changed forever. And for the better, I am sure. I know that this little boy will change the lives of so many. He already has. I still have nurses calling to check up on me and Cobee, and just to talk to me and see if there is anything they can do to comfort me. I have to say that our experience at the hospital was amazing. Everyone was genuinely concerned. How neat. They don't even know me, but I feel like they have been friends of mine for a long time. I realize just how important and fortunate I am for this experience, because over the last few days, I have read everything that I can find about Down syndrome, and I got a hold of some old literature. It talked about how families were encouraged to institutionalize babies right from the start. Families were told that the child would "handicap" the rest of the family. A lot of families would send their baby off. One book said that "at the turn of the century, studies showed that children raised in their own homes with their families were advancing and living lives that were never expected of these children. SHOCKER! It said, and I quote, "besides, these children make great pets." Yeah. I put that literature as far from me as I could. This was all just 30 or 40 years ago. Wow. I am so blessed to be living now. There was never any mention about a mental institution, or anything of the sort. These children are so excepted and loved, now that society recognizes all of the good that they can do. I know that there will be hard times, and people who do not and will not tolerate children like Cobee, but as God as my whiteness, I will make a difference to those around me by bearing my testimony of his nature, and I know that he won't need my help to make a difference and leave an imprint on the hearts of all thosae he comes in contact with.

It's Too Late

The results will not be here until tomorrow, but it is too late. I am 100% in love with this baby. He is the purest, sweetest, best baby a mother could ever ask for. I love him to absolute pieces, and so does everyone else. His brothers can't get enough of him! They are all, of course, very good helpers. Colten decided to introduce Cobee to Spiderman. I thought that it might be a little premature, but what the heck. I was so afraid that my 2 year old would be a jealous wreck, but he is just the opposite. He has a special bond with Cobee. It is as though he knows. I don't need a phone call to know the results. I know in my heart. So does Shane. And everything is going to be okay. Right?

The News

Yesterday was a roller coaster of emotions. I did have to have a c-section. The baby was still breached when I got to the hospital. My mom was on her way to come visit when I called to tell her my water had broke. She told me to tell the doctor to wait until she got there. Yeah right, mom. You are still 5 hours away! They placed the baby on my chest. He was so swollen! His poor little head was not so little because of the fluid! But he was so sweet when they placed him on me-all bundled up. I felt the sweetness behind his eyes--Not in the same way that I felt it with the others for some reason. The first thing I said was "Hmmm. That's weird. He really doesn't look like the others to me". I didn't mean anything by it except that the others were never swollen. They were all very petite. I gave him a kiss on his sweet little lips and they took him to NICU to check his lungs, and to get me cleaned up and out of the surgery room. I laid in my room, Shane at my side, waiting for the nurses to bring me the baby. A couple of hours passed and my doctor came into the room. He said words that I never in a million years dreamed any doctor would ever say to us. He told us that there was reason to believe that our baby boy has Down syndrome. I paused at the words. Shane and I looked at each other with a flood of question in our eyes, and then we refocused on the doctor. He told us that there was no reason to be really worried yet, but that they would need our consent to send off blood work to confirm their suspicions. The good news was that he was lacking a lot of the obvious physical characteristics of Down syndrome, such as the Simeon crease in his hands. My heart sunk, but at the same time I found comfort in knowing that it was only a concern and not a definite. There was no way he has Down syndrome. This doesn't happen to me. Right after he said those words, a pediatrician specialist walked in. She voiced her concerns and reasoning as to why she believed that he was. And then another doctor and another. My heart became heavier and heavier with each doctor's opinion. There was a hollow pit in my stomach. My head was spinning and I simply could not wrap my mind around the facts. I needed to see my baby. I needed to hold him and feel him. They couldn't release him from NICU yet, and I just had surgery to deliver the baby, and therefore was in no condition to move (they didn't know me very well!), but I needed reassurance, so I sent Shane down to see him. It seemed as though I was alone in my thoughts forever until Shane came back. What happened? How can this be? Why wasn't it caught sooner, and would I have wanted to know sooner? Was nursing him going to be weird? Yes...it would be weird; he can't possibly be my baby! How am I going to handle this? Shane walked in the room. I was so anxious to see what he had to say--what more did he find out. When I looked up, he was grinning from ear to ear. He must have heard good news. My fears dissapated for a moment... But instead of telling me that they were wrong, all he had to say was, "I don't care. He's my son and I love him anyway." Tears filled my eyes and I knew he was right. It is not that I loved him any differently, It is just not what had I planned. It is something totally different than what I ever imagined for him and for our family. I am a little shocked and a lot scared. We called our parents and told them the news. Both families are still a couple of hours from being here. They are concerned, of course. My mom's words were "Ohhhhh, no! Are you okay?" I told her I didn't know. After we hung up, my brother and grandpa (who were riding with her) asked what was going on. When she told them, my brother sat in silence for a minute and then replied, "It can't be. She is not the one who is supposed to have one like that. I am." You see, my brother has been an advocate for Down syndrome his whole life. He loves them and has many friends with Down syndrome. He will be Cobee's best friend. The results will not be here until Thurs. I can hardly wait...time is standing still as it is.

We will have boy #4 today!

My water broke this morning. I am exactly 36 weeks along. The same as I was with the other 3 pregnancies when my water broke. I am not shocked. But the doctor will be! Yesterday, at my appointment, he told me that I would not have this baby any time before the next two weeks. I asked him if he was on call this weekend. He said that he was, but he wouldn't be seeing me! I tried to tell him. I had an ultra sound on thurs., and the baby was already 8 lbs. 4 oz. I knew I couldn't carry him much longer. He was breached on Thurs., so unless he has turned, I will have to deliver him c-section. All I can think about is how great having 4 little boys will be. I have visions of 4 little basketball players. 4 little football players. 4 missionaries. 4 daughter-in-laws!! Evey one will say "Here comes those handsome Scott boys". And everyone will know that they are brothers because all of our boys look so much alike! It will be so much fun. I can't wait to watch them grow to be best friends. To teach each other things, and to teach me how to be a better person. It is time to go!