LoVe is Unconditional

My boys have such a connection to Cobee. Love is much too shallow of a word to describe the way I feel for Cobee, and I think that I can speek for the rest of us when I say that. I have found a deeper meaning to life. I never, in a million years, thought that I could love my boys any more than I did, but I was wrong. Cobee has brought a deeper, more Christ-like love to our whole family. We speak softer and kinder, we have a more meaningful relationship with each other. Shane and my marriage has never been stronger. I can't explain it. All I know is that I love all of my boys so much more than ever before. I appreciate the little things more and I have whitnessed an unconditional love unfold from the walls in our home.

Mr. T

Cobee has a perfect mohawk down the middle of his head, so we thought that Mr. T was apropriate for Hallowen this year! He was the hit of the pary! I pitty the fool!

I cannot tell you how many times I have noticed people (usually older people) watching me (or I guess I should say Cobester) from a distance. Most of the time they get the courage to approach us, and when they do, they say something like "I was so drawn in by your baby, I just wanted to take a closer look". Sometimes they notice Traits of Down syndrome and then realize why they were drawn in, sometimes they don't. But they all recognize his strong spirit. Pretty amazing. They always tell me how beautifull he is, and they usually have some kind of story for me, or words of encouragement. I can't tell you what a comfort it is to me that people, not just my family, accept him and love him, and they don't even know him. They don't have to know him for very long to feel his sweet spirit. I had it happen, yet again, while I was at the store today. So thank you to all of you who have given such great support to Cobester and our family. Your support has given me great strength, when others, who are ignorant to the world of children with dissabilities, say derogatory remarks without realizing that they are being offensive. I have found the strength to say "It hurts my feelings that you feel that way about a group of children that you know nothing about. Maybe I should bring my son in for you to hold. Maybe that would change your mind on the way that you feel about children with special needs". Support from friends and family has softened my heart, and has helped me learn to be defensive in a kind way when the storm blows, and in turn, has proven to be a good teaching tool to those who are ignorant. THANK YOU ALL!!!!

Victory for the Cobee!

The Cobee has mastered the art of rolling over! Some of you may recognize how significant this is for a baby only 5 months old with Down syndrome, and some of you may not. They usually don't start to roll over for several more months due to low muscle tone in their bodies. But not the Cobester!! It is amazing to me how much I have taken for granted all of the little things, like rolling over, for instance, that came so easily for my other boys. I guess sometimes I lose site of the miracles that take place every day. I didn't realize how much of a miracle rolling over is, or even a baby that can nurse without difficulty, or a baby being able to hold up his head, or how much of a miracle it is for a baby to grasp onto a toy. The list could go on and on. It takes hard work and effort on all of our parts, especially Cobee's, in order for him to master milestones of development. Each milestone reached and mastered is a victory none the less, and causes reason to celebrate. Too bad I didn't realize that 3 boys ago! Thanks for keeping me grounded Cobester!

Therapies

These are pictures at a session of his physical therapy and a session of his occupational therapy. Speech therapy is no fun to take pictures of. His speech therapist works on stengthening his jaw and helping the muscles in his tongue and neck get the excersises they need in order to develope strength needed for speech developement. I don't have any pictures of his developmental therapy available either. It is about the same as occupational therapy--at least for now. It will change when he gets older. Regardless- aren't we so lucky to have these therapies and all of the dedicated people who help the Cobester?!? Cobester works soooo hard at his therapies! He is self-motivated, which is encouraging to us because one trait that most Down syndrome children share is lack of motivation- They naturally have low muscle tone, so everything is more challenging for them, making them not want to try as hard. Thankfully, Cobee has genetics on his side!!!

What's wrong with your baby?

Today I took my baby boy into my old work environement to show him off to my friends there. Most of them did not know about him. When I turned him around from my shoulder,one of the girls there asked, "What's wrong with your baby?" I replied with, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, he doesn't look like your other boys." I said, "He looks a lot like my oldest son. He has Down syndrome...." She said, "I can tell!" I said..."but that's what makes him so right." Everyone was silent, and I walked away. Later, I got a few texts from some that were ther to tell me that he was so cute and that there was no way that they could tell. It is okay. It had to happen sometime. This was a first and I am sure that this is not going to be the last.

Captain Cobee

I love this story. My boys constanly play super heros or something of the sort. They are so good about including Cobee in their role play. The other day, they were playing pirates and they deemed Cobee their Capian. They were calling him Captian Cobee all day long. I had to hide myself around the corner so that they wouldn't see me take my mommy moment. It struck me how appropriate this name was for him. Captian Cobee. Because even though he is the baby of our family, he is the one who will lead us all home.

How Can I Help?

I met a really great Doctor in Billings. He helped get me information that I needed to get started on our journey. He gave me the names of families and support groups that could contact. He is the doctor that deals with high-risk pregnancies, and I have diabetes, and so, I was referred to him. He did the last ulta-sound on Cobee, the week that he was born. It turns out that he was from Idaho, and had attended ISU--where I attended. My in-laws know his wife's family. It's a small world. He was so great and helpful. When families find out that their baby will be born with Down syndrome, they are referred to him. So I went to him and asked how I could help. Was there anything that I could do for families that see him? He told me that sometimes a parent's testimony can impact another, and strike a chord with someone else. It could mean saving a baby from abortion, or adoption. So I decided that I wanted to help. I wrote a song about my thoughts on motherhood, and felt like it was appropriate. My friend had taken some pics of Cobee and me while I was in Idaho, and they were perfect for the cover of this CD. I will try to upload the song and here is the CD cover.

Moving Home!

We got back from Idaho this week, and to my surprise, my friends had a baby shower planned for me and Cobee! I have great friends. It was so refreshing! It reminded me of the love and support that they have for me even though we are miles appart right now. Words cannot express my appreciation and my love for them! We also just found out that Shane just got a job back home! So that visit may has well been perminant. Our house there has been on the market for 9 months with no offers at all, and with all things considered, we felt like moving back is the best thing for us. We will be close to family and friends, and the support system that we need. There are so many people here that have effected my life, I know that is we would not have had the chance to move back that they would have bee there to support us, and I will miss them, but I promise to stay in contact!

I knew that having Cobee in our lives would bring endless opportunities and blessings, but I didn't think that it would be so soon. I have already met so many great people that I would never have met otherwise, and it has only just begun! I met up with a lady here in Billings that has a 4 year old daughter. ADORABLE! She is so great-- mom and daughter. I have a lot in common with her. She owns a home decor store that I LOVE. My official service coordinator is great too. She is in this line of work because she had learning difficulties as a child, and no one took the time to help her until she was a little older, and that one person changed her life forever. Now, she wants to help others. That is what it is all about, isn't it.?

Where To Go Now?

I went to the hospital last week and got some information on who to call to get Cobee started in therapies and social services. The service coordinator just left my house. She was very nice. There is so much help available and I am so grateful. I wouldn't know what to do on my own. Cobee will start therapies in a couple of weeks. It sounds crazy, but the sooner they intervene in the first stages of development, their chances of success in later development increases. If you don't intervene early on, it is like domino affect, and all of the other stages will be delayed. Most of the physical delays in Down syndrome stems from low muscle tone in their bodies, combined with double joints and hyper flexibility in their joints, causing lack 0f coordination, endurance and motivation. Early intervention can help aid in developing muscle tone early on in order to help with speech development, rolling, sitting up, walking, etc. I feel it is important to do everything we can to give Cobee the best chance at life, both physically and mentally.

Confirmed Results

Every time the phone has rang today, my stomach has dropped. But the call that I was waiting for did come, and of course, the news that we were expecting was indeed what we had thought it would be. I thought that I was ready to hear it. I thought that I had geared myself up for those words, but I still broke down when the doctor said, "the test results confirm that your son does have Down syndrome". I hugged Cobee close to me sobbing. "What do I do now? Where do I go, who am I supposed to call?" "Just care for him and love him like you do your other children." Is all that the doctor could tell me. There has got to be more to it than that!?! So I insisted that I got some information on support groups in the area, or at least someone else that I could call. He told me to stop by the hospital, and there would be another doctor that could give me a few names. Okay. So there you have it. It is now official that our lives will be changed forever. And for the better, I am sure. I know that this little boy will change the lives of so many. He already has. I still have nurses calling to check up on me and Cobee, and just to talk to me and see if there is anything they can do to comfort me. I have to say that our experience at the hospital was amazing. Everyone was genuinely concerned. How neat. They don't even know me, but I feel like they have been friends of mine for a long time. I realize just how important and fortunate I am for this experience, because over the last few days, I have read everything that I can find about Down syndrome, and I got a hold of some old literature. It talked about how families were encouraged to institutionalize babies right from the start. Families were told that the child would "handicap" the rest of the family. A lot of families would send their baby off. One book said that "at the turn of the century, studies showed that children raised in their own homes with their families were advancing and living lives that were never expected of these children. SHOCKER! It said, and I quote, "besides, these children make great pets." Yeah. I put that literature as far from me as I could. This was all just 30 or 40 years ago. Wow. I am so blessed to be living now. There was never any mention about a mental institution, or anything of the sort. These children are so excepted and loved, now that society recognizes all of the good that they can do. I know that there will be hard times, and people who do not and will not tolerate children like Cobee, but as God as my whiteness, I will make a difference to those around me by bearing my testimony of his nature, and I know that he won't need my help to make a difference and leave an imprint on the hearts of all thosae he comes in contact with.

It's Too Late

The results will not be here until tomorrow, but it is too late. I am 100% in love with this baby. He is the purest, sweetest, best baby a mother could ever ask for. I love him to absolute pieces, and so does everyone else. His brothers can't get enough of him! They are all, of course, very good helpers. Colten decided to introduce Cobee to Spiderman. I thought that it might be a little premature, but what the heck. I was so afraid that my 2 year old would be a jealous wreck, but he is just the opposite. He has a special bond with Cobee. It is as though he knows. I don't need a phone call to know the results. I know in my heart. So does Shane. And everything is going to be okay. Right?

The News

Yesterday was a roller coaster of emotions. I did have to have a c-section. The baby was still breached when I got to the hospital. My mom was on her way to come visit when I called to tell her my water had broke. She told me to tell the doctor to wait until she got there. Yeah right, mom. You are still 5 hours away! They placed the baby on my chest. He was so swollen! His poor little head was not so little because of the fluid! But he was so sweet when they placed him on me-all bundled up. I felt the sweetness behind his eyes--Not in the same way that I felt it with the others for some reason. The first thing I said was "Hmmm. That's weird. He really doesn't look like the others to me". I didn't mean anything by it except that the others were never swollen. They were all very petite. I gave him a kiss on his sweet little lips and they took him to NICU to check his lungs, and to get me cleaned up and out of the surgery room. I laid in my room, Shane at my side, waiting for the nurses to bring me the baby. A couple of hours passed and my doctor came into the room. He said words that I never in a million years dreamed any doctor would ever say to us. He told us that there was reason to believe that our baby boy has Down syndrome. I paused at the words. Shane and I looked at each other with a flood of question in our eyes, and then we refocused on the doctor. He told us that there was no reason to be really worried yet, but that they would need our consent to send off blood work to confirm their suspicions. The good news was that he was lacking a lot of the obvious physical characteristics of Down syndrome, such as the Simeon crease in his hands. My heart sunk, but at the same time I found comfort in knowing that it was only a concern and not a definite. There was no way he has Down syndrome. This doesn't happen to me. Right after he said those words, a pediatrician specialist walked in. She voiced her concerns and reasoning as to why she believed that he was. And then another doctor and another. My heart became heavier and heavier with each doctor's opinion. There was a hollow pit in my stomach. My head was spinning and I simply could not wrap my mind around the facts. I needed to see my baby. I needed to hold him and feel him. They couldn't release him from NICU yet, and I just had surgery to deliver the baby, and therefore was in no condition to move (they didn't know me very well!), but I needed reassurance, so I sent Shane down to see him. It seemed as though I was alone in my thoughts forever until Shane came back. What happened? How can this be? Why wasn't it caught sooner, and would I have wanted to know sooner? Was nursing him going to be weird? Yes...it would be weird; he can't possibly be my baby! How am I going to handle this? Shane walked in the room. I was so anxious to see what he had to say--what more did he find out. When I looked up, he was grinning from ear to ear. He must have heard good news. My fears dissapated for a moment... But instead of telling me that they were wrong, all he had to say was, "I don't care. He's my son and I love him anyway." Tears filled my eyes and I knew he was right. It is not that I loved him any differently, It is just not what had I planned. It is something totally different than what I ever imagined for him and for our family. I am a little shocked and a lot scared. We called our parents and told them the news. Both families are still a couple of hours from being here. They are concerned, of course. My mom's words were "Ohhhhh, no! Are you okay?" I told her I didn't know. After we hung up, my brother and grandpa (who were riding with her) asked what was going on. When she told them, my brother sat in silence for a minute and then replied, "It can't be. She is not the one who is supposed to have one like that. I am." You see, my brother has been an advocate for Down syndrome his whole life. He loves them and has many friends with Down syndrome. He will be Cobee's best friend. The results will not be here until Thurs. I can hardly wait...time is standing still as it is.

We will have boy #4 today!

My water broke this morning. I am exactly 36 weeks along. The same as I was with the other 3 pregnancies when my water broke. I am not shocked. But the doctor will be! Yesterday, at my appointment, he told me that I would not have this baby any time before the next two weeks. I asked him if he was on call this weekend. He said that he was, but he wouldn't be seeing me! I tried to tell him. I had an ultra sound on thurs., and the baby was already 8 lbs. 4 oz. I knew I couldn't carry him much longer. He was breached on Thurs., so unless he has turned, I will have to deliver him c-section. All I can think about is how great having 4 little boys will be. I have visions of 4 little basketball players. 4 little football players. 4 missionaries. 4 daughter-in-laws!! Evey one will say "Here comes those handsome Scott boys". And everyone will know that they are brothers because all of our boys look so much alike! It will be so much fun. I can't wait to watch them grow to be best friends. To teach each other things, and to teach me how to be a better person. It is time to go!